


The Downward Spiral

by Wandering_the_seven_seas



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abusive Neil Hargrove, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Drug Use, Gay, Gay Billy Hargrove, M/M, Neil Hargrove Being an Asshole, Nine Inch Nails, Recreational Drug Use, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, The Downward Spiral, Whump, why do i hurt the characters i love?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 06:20:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20092663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wandering_the_seven_seas/pseuds/Wandering_the_seven_seas
Summary: Billy could no longer hide from the truth. He craved self-destruction because he was self-destruction."I take you where you want to goI give you all you need to knowI drag you down, I use you upMr. Self Destruct"





	The Downward Spiral

Billy's father had a large wooden rod that he liked to use on Billy when he got out of line. He would beat him until he couldn't breathe anymore. The thick whacking sounds it made were dull, like a faint heartbeat; dying slowly in a back alley, cold and dark.

He loved it.

It occupied the loneliness, created something he could feel, drowned out his constant internal screaming. Neil was the machine he used to silence everything. Billy would laugh as Neil struck him so Neil would beat him even harder. A sick, sadistic laugh paired with the sounds of his body being mutilated.

Self-destruction was his personal religion. He no longer prayed to a god up above. He used to get on his knees and raise his head to the sky, begging. Constant nieve prayers to the lie he believed. Please, God; change me. I can't do this anymore. I'm scared, oh I'm so scared. I want to die, and I don't care if I am damned to hell, for I can no longer deny; hell is better than here.

His self-destruction was his escape, the only way out of his twisted mind. The first 26 years of his life were just a prequel to his madness, an introduction to the pain he would continue to receive. His life was like a druggie's high; he would spike and then fall further and further than before. It was like a voice inside his head that controlled his every move.

His self-destruction was every lover that became just another notch in his bedpost. Every fuck to try and hide the hatred swelling in his chest. It was every needle dazed high leading into an eventual downfall. Each penny whore to fill that unnamed void inside him.

When he reached 13 and realized that no matter how hard he tried he could never follow his dreams. He could no longer hide from the truth. He craved self-destruction because he was self-destruction. He was the needle in his veins, the pistol poised against his skull, the whores, the highs, the silence, the dreams. He had created all of it like some guilt riddled god.

He was Mr. Self Destruct and he wouldn't have it any other way.

_I am the voice inside your head (and I control you)_  
_I am the lover in your bed (and I control you) _  
_I am the sex that you provide (and I control you) _  
_I am the hate you try to hide (and I control you)_  
_I take you where you want to go _  
_I give you all you need to know _  
_I drag you down, I use you up _  
_Mr. Self Destruct_  
_I speak religion's message clear (and I control you) _  
_I am denial guilt and fear (and I control you) _  
_I am the prayers of the naive (and I control you) _  
_I am the lie that you believe (and I control you)_  
_I take you where you want to go _  
_I give you all you need to know _  
_I drag you down I use you up _  
_Mr. Self Destruct_  
_You let me do this to you (I am the exit) x8_  
_I am the needle in your vein_  
_I am the high you can't sustain_  
_I am the pusher, I'm a whore _  
_I am the need you have for more_  
_I am the bullet in the gun (and I control you) _  
_I am the truth from which you run (and I control you) _  
_I am the silencing machine (and I control you) _  
_I am the end of all your dreams (and I control you)_  
_I take you where you want to go _  
_I give you all you need to know _  
_I drag you down, I use you up _  
_Mr. Self Destruct_  
_I take you where you want to go _  
_I give you all you need to know _  
_I drag you down, I use you up _  
_Mr. Self Destruct_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short! Further chapters will be longer, but Mr. Self Destruct is an intro to TDS so, vualà! Stay tuned for more sad shit :)


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